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When your foster child first arrives, expect them to be guarded or quiet the first few days. Depending on their prior situation, they may be recovering from trauma and unable to trust a new person right away. The best way to help a foster child slowly bring down their wall is by showing empathy. Here are a few ways to show empathy when communicating with a foster child.
Give them space.
While it is exciting to have a new person in the house, you will have to refrain from spending each second with your new foster child the moment they arrive. Once you have a few minutes to talk and they have been introduced to the household, give them space to get acclimated on their own. Whether you offer a few movies they can watch in their room or some books they can read, giving them privacy in their new space is vital. Doing so shows that you know they have been through a lot, and that they deserve some space to relax and adjust to their new situation.
Respond with kindness.
Your foster child is bound to act irritable or to test boundaries sooner or later. While your first instinct may be to yell or get upset, pause before doing so. Walk out of the room and take a deep breath before responding to them. After you have calmed down, start with the phrase, “I hear what you are saying.” This will help ensure that you are actively listening to them.
Gently remind them of house rules.
When your foster child acts out, it is important to wait until they calm down before you reflect on the incident. Rather than get upset and make a fuss, gently remind them of the house rules and then move on. You must also hold them to the consequences of breaking house rules, and stay in communication about what to expect. For example, if you take away their phone, give them a specific time when they will get it back, and follow through.
Do your research.
Make an effort to learn as much as you can about your foster child’s background and experiences. This will help you to naturally build empathy for them. Put yourself in their shoes — how would you have felt if you had to suddenly leave your biological family and live with a stranger? Communicate these feelings with your foster child by saying things like, “I can’t imagine what you went through; you are very strong.” This will help them to see that you truly care about them as a person.
Build a connection.
Find ways you and your foster child can spend time together and have fun. Whether it’s teaching them how to play chess or seeing a Friday night movie, find something you both enjoy and can bond over. Building a relationship with your foster child will also help you to naturally become more empathetic toward them.
Remember that your foster child did not choose a life in foster care. While you are bound to have rough episodes, you can lessen the sting by showing empathy. Remind them that you understand where they are coming from and are here to support them through this journey.
Every child needs and deserves to grow up safe and protected from abuse and neglect, and caring foster parents offer children support and stability when they need it most. At Camelot Care Centers, we specialize in higher-level foster care for children and adolescents that need extra support. We partner with our foster parents/homes to provide trauma informed care and additional services, including in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring, to maintain children at the least restrictive, yet most appropriate level of care. Camelot Care Centers (“Camelot”) is a Child Welfare Agency licensed by the State of Illinois, a member of the Illinois Collaboration on Youth (ICOY), and is accredited by the Council on Accreditation (COA).
