4 Phrases Not To Say To A Foster Parent

While most people have good intentions, some people fall into stereotyping foster parents without realizing it. They may think foster parents have extra patience most humans don’t possess, or that they are superheroes who go “above and beyond’ what the average person does. The truth is that sometimes these phrases hurt more than they help. Here are a few phrases not to say to a foster parent.

“They are lucky to have you.”

While it is true that foster children are lucky to be in a safe and loving space, this phrase can be insensitive. Foster children have been ripped from their homes and everyday lives to be placed in the care of strangers. The process is difficult for all involved, as it takes time for a foster child to bring down their wall and build trust again. They have experienced an unfortunate circumstance and while they are surviving, they crave the chance to return and thrive in their own homes.

“I couldn’t foster because I would get too attached.”

This statement undermines the foster parent’s role: to support a child physically and emotionally by parenting until they are able to return to their families. Foster families are not meant to be a permanent thing. If a foster parent feels too attached, that means they did the right thing in opening their heart to love a child in need. Loss is a normal feeling in life, and you are bound to experience it when the child leaves your home. Instead of feeling pained, a foster parent should embrace the experience knowing that they did all they could to help a child until they could transition back home.

“Not every child can be saved.”

This statement implies that a foster parent is out to do the impossible. Signing up to become a foster parent does not mean you are committing to saving every child placed in foster care. Instead, it is a chance to help one child or family in need of support. Making the difference in even one child’s life will help in the long run.

“I’m too busy to foster a child.”

All of us are busy. Many of us have our own biological children to drive to and from school on a daily basis. Many of us work full-time and come home exhausted and ready to relax. The point is that fostering is a rewarding experience and the pros often outweigh the cons. While it’s true fostering is time-consuming, it is also a lifelong experience you could miss out on by simply deeming you are too busy to help.

Foster parents are not superheroes; they are simply average human beings who have decided to do their part to help a child in need. They offer a place in their home knowing that their experience is not going to be perfect, and that some days will be a struggle. Support a foster parent you know by displaying empathy. See if there is anything you can do to help on your end, whether it’s donating toys and clothes or offering to babysit a day or two. Actions go much further than words any day, and your foster parent friend will appreciate your support.

Every child needs and deserves to grow up safe and protected from abuse and neglect, and caring foster parents offer children support and stability when they need it most. At Camelot Care Centers, we specialize in higher-level foster care for children and adolescents that need extra support. We partner with our foster parents/homes to provide trauma informed care and additional services, including in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring, to maintain children at the least restrictive, yet most appropriate level of care. Camelot Care Centers (“Camelot”) is a Child Welfare Agency licensed by the State of Illinois, a member of the Illinois Collaboration on Youth (ICOY), and is accredited by the Council on Accreditation (COA).