How To Create Boundaries And Discipline With Care When Fostering A Child

While foster children need love and positive attention, they also need boundaries and discipline to help guide them to make positive decisions. It is good to have a plan in place as to how you will respond to bad behavior and what kinds of expectations you’ll maintain before your foster child arrives. It is also good to gather information on your foster child’s background so that you know what triggers them; for example, some foster children may have experienced verbal abuse and shouting, so you may want to avoid raising your voice as a discipline method. Use these tips to help guide you when creating boundaries when disciplining your foster child with care.

Create A Behavioral Plan

Gather information from your caseworker as to your foster child’s previous behavior issues. Educate yourself on past triggers, such as verbal abuse. Most foster agencies make you sign and agree to not participate in corporal punishment, so anything physical is off the table. Make a list of expectations for your foster child, such as where to put their personal belongings and what places in the home they are allowed to hang out in. Create a list of consequences, such as losing cell phone use for a day or having to take on an extra chore.

Pick Your Battles

It is possible that your foster child may lack basic manners, such as saying please and thank you or interrupting you while you are on the phone. While it would help to eventually address these issues, instead, focus on bigger behavior issues first. These are the types of discipline issues that may put you or your foster child at danger, such as throwing objects across the room during a temper tantrum. Start big and work your way down.

Provide Positive Attention

Many behavior issues can be avoided by giving your foster child positive attention. Plan on spending one-on-one time with them every day to help form a healthy bond. They are more likely to respect your rules and boundaries if they feel respected and appreciated. You can also redirect negative behavior. This tool works particularly well for younger foster children. For example, if a child is throwing toys around, invite them to participate in a different activity, such as a craft project or going for a family bike ride. Even a teenager can be redirected to work on a homework task or engage in a different topic of conversation.

Praise Good Behavior

When kids make the choice to follow the household rules without your guidance, remember to praise them. Tell them that you noticed they followed the rules and that you appreciate their positive efforts. Foster children will want to continue positive behavior if they know that their efforts are being noticed. You can also reward positive behavior by giving them more computer time, more time with friends, or by taking them out for ice cream.

While filled with many challenges, fostering can be a rewarding experience, and your impact on a child lasts a lifetime. Understand that a foster child’s behavior isn’t going to change overnight, especially if they have had a lifetime of negative learned behaviors. Use this guide to help you create boundaries and discipline with care today.

Every child needs and deserves to grow up safe and protected from abuse and neglect, and caring foster parents offer children support and stability when they need it most. At Camelot Care Centers, we specialize in higher-level foster care for children and adolescents that need extra support. We partner with our foster parents/homes to provide trauma informed care and additional services, including in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring, to maintain children at the least restrictive, yet most appropriate level of care. Camelot Care Centers (“Camelot”) is a Child Welfare Agency licensed by the State of Illinois, a member of the Illinois Collaboration on Youth (ICOY), and is accredited by the Council on Accreditation (COA).