How to Build Trust with Your Foster Child or Teen

While we often assume fostering creates an instant family, connecting with the newly-placed youth in your care and building trust will likely take some time and effort. This can be especially true when establishing a secure relationship with your foster teen. So, what can foster parents do to help build trust and create a lasting bond?

Be Understanding

First and foremost, it is crucial to fully understand the context of your child or teen’s past experiences and trauma, and consider how this background may be influencing the way they function and behave. Naturally, each child and situation is unique, and each will have specific needs. Finding out what they are and meeting these needs, beyond providing shelter, will show your child you care about them and are committed to their happiness. It’s well-known that fear and feelings of abandonment can often lead to emotional walls, projecting, and other common defense mechanisms, but a little understanding can go a long way when it comes to bringing down walls and building trust.

Be Accepting

Preparing for the arrival of a new family member and helping them feel welcome on the first day is important, but what comes after? As you settle in, approach each day as an opportunity  to bond and get to know your foster child or teen a little more. Whether you are out spending quality time together or just hanging out at home, observe and learn about their likes and dislikes, what sparks their interest, and what makes them special. Ask about their favorite colors, hobbies and activities, television shows, and subjects in school. Cook their favorite foods and celebrate special days. Respect their religious and cultural diversity. Show support and encouragement in their passions and pursuits, help them build confidence and self-esteem, and accept them for who they are as an individual.

Be Trustworthy

To truly build trust, you need to be trustworthy yourself. It’s normal for children and teens in foster care to test boundaries, as well as your love and patience. Prove to them you are worthy of their trust by always being there when they need you, no matter what. However, that doesn’t mean letting them get away with bad behavior. Let your child or teen know the rules and expectations as a member of the family, be consistent, and provide structure through daily routines. When things occasionally go sideways, maintain your composure and remember to show compassion and forgiveness. Lead by example, follow through, and most of all, never make a promise you cannot keep!

If you are new to foster parenting or want to become a foster parent in the state of Illinois, click here to read “Foster Parenting for Beginners” or visit our blog for more helpful tips. Then, click here to take the first steps.

Every child needs and deserves to grow up safe and protected from abuse and neglect, and caring foster parents offer children support and stability when they need it most. At Camelot Care Centers, we specialize in higher-level foster care for children and adolescents that need extra support. We partner with our foster parents/homes to provide trauma informed care and additional services, including in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring, to maintain children at the least restrictive, yet most appropriate level of care. Camelot Care Centers (“Camelot”) is a Child Welfare Agency.