What To Do When You Find It Difficult To Bond With Your Foster

Like any relationship, the bond you have with your foster child takes time to form. While some foster children bond right away with their foster families, many of these relationships take trial and error. Here are a few tips to help overcome the challenges of bonding with your foster child.

Know that it takes time.

While a toddler or younger child may quickly become attached to you as their caregiver, older children and teens are not always so quick to come around. Regardless of your foster child’s age, it’s important to exercise patience, and to show empathy. Perhaps they are resentful about their situation. Maybe they are homesick. Maybe your home is not their first placement. Whatever the reason, understand that this is a difficult situation for your child, and it has nothing to do with you. Remain patient, and with kindness and understanding, know that things should get better in time.

Find a mutual hobby.

Sometimes, something as simple as finding mutual hobby can help strengthen a difficult bond with your foster child. Search for something you both enjoy, such as playing basketball at the local YMCA, working on a puzzle, or taking an art class together. Participating in an activity together helps to remove some pressure off of bonding. Instead of forcing the relationship, a mutual hobby gives room for a connection to naturally develop.

Make dinner family time.

With busy schedules, it’s important to make “family time” a priority. There is no easier way to do this than by adding dinner to your daily routine. Instead of grabbing something to eat on the go, sit down for a meal together, talk about the highs and lows of your day, and encourage your child to do the same once they feel comfortable. Setting aside this time each day shows that you care and that you enjoy your child’s company. Sharing dinner and conversation also gives you the opportunity get to know each other better with each passing day. Click here for conversation starters from The Family Dinner Project.

Hang pictures in the home.

Make an effort to display a few of your favorite pictures around the house of you and your foster child, so that they feel included in the family. If you already have a wall of family photos or frames on a shelf, add a portrait of your foster child to the grouping. You could also hang artwork on the refrigerator that your foster child created, or a good report card. Celebrating your foster child can help form a special bond between the two of you, and will make them feel more at home.

Seek help.

If you have tried all the above and you still find forming a bond with your foster child difficult, then you may want to reach out for professional help from someone who specializes in foster care. Services like in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring can make all the difference. Your foster child may want to connect with you but may lack the tools to do so because of past trauma. A professional can help guide your foster child toward letting go of the hurt, so that they can invite trust-worthy, loving adults back into their lives.

For additional foster parenting tools and support, read books on current strategies for foster parents and other resources, and consider joining a support group for foster families. Above all, find little ways to connect with your foster child every day. Compliment them when they do well on a school project. Thank them for helping with family chores. Find ways to spend time together every day. With time, patience, and support, you will strengthen the bond you have with your foster child.

Every child needs and deserves to grow up safe and protected from abuse and neglect, and caring foster parents offer children support and stability when they need it most. At Camelot Care Centers, we specialize in higher-level foster care for children and adolescents that need extra support. We partner with our foster parents/homes to provide trauma informed care and additional services, including in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring, to maintain children at the least restrictive, yet most appropriate level of care. Camelot Care Centers (“Camelot”) is a Child Welfare Agency licensed by the State of Illinois, a member of the Illinois Collaboration on Youth (ICOY), and is accredited by the Council on Accreditation (COA).