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Every child is uniquely special — including children in foster care. From the top of their heads to the tip of their toes, foster children and teenagers are individuals with unique personality traits, talents and aspirations. They also have unique obstacles to overcome, and may therefore struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. Thankfully, with love and support — and a little guidance — you can help your foster child to embrace who they are and have the confidence to express themselves in their own extraordinary way.
Give them choices whenever possible.
When your foster child first arrived, you communicated house rules and expectations as a new member of the family. Setting those boundaries helped to lay the foundation for a safe and stable home environment and remain a necessary component of parenting. However, while many rules and expectations are non-negotiable, there are others that children can have some control over. For example, children should be expected to keep their bedroom tidy, but can have a say in how their room is decorated. If pitching in at dinnertime is non-negotiable, allow your child to help plan the menu and invite them to cook with you. Giving children choices helps them to make decisions later in life and encourages self-expression and creativity.
Ask lots of questions.
The more you know about your foster child or teenager, the more you will be able to help. Talk to them about their hobbies, interests, style preferences, and anything else they love. Some kids may give you the “I don’t know” answer, because they are not used to open communication and the freedom of choice. In this case, it may be best to come up with two or three options. For example, if you want to buy your foster teenager a new poster for their room, you may want to present them with three different options based on the information they gave you. This will also help to slowly build their trust in you and their confidence overall.
Encourage them to find where they belong.
As you get to know your foster child or teenager, see if there are any local clubs or groups that match their interests. Given the current pandemic, you might want to help them look for ways they can connect virtually, whether it’s an online book club through the local library or group music and art lessons via Zoom. Outschool offers a wide variety of affordable online classes, both educational and hobby-related, to help kids connect. Many towns are also offering outdoor camps and sports leagues with social distancing in mind.
Let’s face it; parenting is never perfect. But if you care enough to put in the extra effort, your foster child will recognize your efforts, and appreciate your support. Giving a teenager or child some freedom allows them to feel safe and secure, and to express themselves creatively — something many youths in foster care may have never experienced. Use these tips today to help your foster child connect with their inner selves, then step back and see the uniquely special person they truly are.
Every child needs and deserves to grow up safe and protected from abuse and neglect, and caring foster parents offer children support and stability when they need it most. At Camelot Care Centers, we specialize in higher-level foster care for children and adolescents that need extra support. We partner with our foster parents/homes to provide trauma informed care and additional services, including in-home counseling, parent support and training, tele-psychiatry, and therapeutic mentoring, to maintain children at the least restrictive, yet most appropriate level of care. Camelot Care Centers (“Camelot”) is a Child Welfare Agency.
